Friday, September 14, 2007

Here we go...

Thanks to everyone who commented or emailed about my last post. That post was written by a heart that was hurting. I have struggled a lot today about how I feel about how you all feel. Some have said I should educate those who have a hard time seeing Fletcher, others have been shocked like I was at the reaction we received yesterday. (Unfortunately, yesterday was not the first time we have encountered people like this) I KNOW I should take the higher ground and say sweet things to ignorant onlookers and hopefully I will. But on the other hand, why should I have to teach people that it's not polite to stare, didn't their mothers teach them that? Mine did. So, here are a few things I've thought about that I'd like to teach people, 1) Do not stare, instead smile. 2) Do not pity us, instead respect us. Fletcher is my child I love him as much as I love my other children, he's not different to me. I love my child just like you love your child. 3) Please feel free to ask me questions. As I'm sure it's obvious I love to talk about Fletcher, he's one of my favorite subjects, so I really don't mind when people ask me questions about him. But, think about the question before you ask it. An inappropriate question would be: 'WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM????' or 'WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM??? and please do not say, 'Poor baby!!!' Please do not feel sorry for him. Fletcher is great! He's fun. We are thankful he is alive! An appropriate question would be, 'How old is he?' That is probably what I would ask you about your child. Then we can start a conversation and you can find out more about my son. 4) Please don't take this opportunity to be thankful that your child is NOT like Fletcher. Even though Fletcher has medical problems, doesn't mean we're not thankful for him. We wanted another child when we had Fletcher, he just happened to be a sick little guy. Again, we are thankful he is alive. We are thankful to be his parents, honored actually. I would like for you not to take your child for granted and enjoy every little thing, like a crying baby, oh how I miss the sound of Fletcher's voice. When they walk and are into everything, oh how I wish Fletcher was getting into everything. When they talk too much, oh how I wish I knew what Fletcher had to say. When they want to eat all the time, oh how I wish Fletcher enjoyed eating! Please know that I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad and I'm not being sarcastic in the things I'm saying in this post. I've obviously thought about this a lot today. I feel like I can't gripe about something if I'm not willing to offer a solution. So, here it is, please don't treat us any differently than you would anyone else. The Bible tells us, 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.' That's all I'm asking.

10 comments:

Kristi said...

Well said Denise! We love you and our sweet Fletcher! How is our "social" guy today???

Anonymous said...

We love all of you very much! You are always in our thoughts and prayers.

Anonymous said...

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. You and your family are amazing just as you are!

Anonymous said...

RIGHT ON! Well said,
DENISE, You are absolutely right. Thank you for your thoughts. I am honored to know you and your family and to watch all of you interact - you are a blessing. Thank you! Virginia

Christa b. said...

Very well said NeeNee!!

What a blessing Fletcher is to your family and to us friends near and far.
Thank you God for sweet Fletcher!
Your story's and life reflections of God uplift us all!

Jana said...

Denise, My name is Jana gundy and I'm mommy to Kyle who has spinal muscular atrophy type 1. We're friends with mr. andrew wagner and his mommy. I just wanted to say that we get the stares and dumb comments too. If the adults are being rude, I just ask them if I can help them. It seems to bring them out of it. I do get the "what's wrong with him" to which I reply, Nothing! then proceed to tell them what he has. They would be offended if I walked up to them and asked that. Don't let them rain on your parade. In fact, I pity them, b/c they don't know our side of love like we do!

Anonymous said...

I could imagine how you felt. My first instict would have been to have my girls walk up to that lady and her children and just stare. You know the kind of stare that someone gives you when they don't speak your language. Then I would have walked up and said "It is OK to stare because the mother is probably prepared for looks, remember girls, these things are humans just like us"!.....................However that would be wrong to try to "GET BAVK AT THEM" It feels real good to type out this scenario though!

Kristin Nicole said...

I only wish this post could go out to everyone everywhere and that reading it was mandatory. Very well said. :)

Michelle said...

Thank you for your comment on my blog about the Buddy Walk! Hope you have a beautiful day out for your Walk (I wish it was in the 70s here! - we're still dealing w/90s!)

I agree - very well said, and many of those things I wish I could say to people too. I can't believe the mom saying "IT'S" it's just a baby? What is up with that? and saying loud enough for you to hear that you're probably used to staring? How completely rude! I've heard one mom say that when people ask the "what is wrong" with your child question she just smiles and says, "why nothing is wrong with him, what is wrong with you?"

You can see in the pictures below how happy Fletcher looks while his sister is feeding him!

Sniz said...

Thanks for the insight into your heart, Nee Nee. I hope and pray it will give me greater sensitivity and understanding toward others.